Figured it out I think. Divine purpose comes at a cost to me, meaning I must deliver myself to my purpose all the damn time. Everyone buy PJ Harvey music, only if you want to feel good about yourself that is. I’ve been swearing more, it’s poor form and in my mind symbolizes lots of impatience. Growing up I was told I was very patient and that was good. Talking with my mom I said something to her about well they’ll grow into their patience, she disagreed flat out and said no one learns patience you either have it or you don’t. Well that just ain’t fair I say, which has been a phrase repeating itself to me lately.
I believe in some form we all learn more about it, perhaps she just meant you can’t change character or wait around for change. I’m hitting all sorts of walls lately that I didn’t realize I had, which makes it that much harder to hit them and really understand them. I know I’m putting up my fists to everyone hoping they’ll kiss them but that’s not reasonable. Like, “remember how nice I am to you other times?” The reward system established in youth by people with relatively nice parents is confusing me lately. I need another divine thing… a divine mixture of peace in letting things go, and respect for myself and others in a better ability to communicate what matters to me.
Woah, I dreampt about Hilary Clinton last night, she was buying this cookie treat thing that used to be around for sack lunches when I was little, she and I talked about it in the grocery line, maybe I was checking her out. I think I wanted to tell her that I thought she was a tough chick and to keep going, but it never came. I wonder if she’s a good tough or a scary tough. Suits do that to people.
Decided to make myself a list of goals somewhere secret in my house and then go hide it in the yard for the goal gnome to steal it and use it as insulation for his gnome hole under our potato patch. He really likes potatoes. Sick-O. Well why not? I haven’t done that because I’m still used to the idea of school pushing me forward.
Yup found my new cd to listen to for a good while. Exile on Main Street was getting played too often on my side of the house. It probably still will. Let’s not talk of love today